updating

So, its been awhile since i sat long enough to even think about my thoughts, much less write them down. Which really is good because my mind has been a jumble of incoherent thoughts, nothing of much substance. Just a lot of white noise. I find that when i am stressed i go on auto-pilot. Just trying to get through the day takes so much out of me, that i literally don't delve deep.
I joined the gym....not just a gym, but a major chain gym, aghhhh the horror! I am NOT a gym person. All the young girls w/ belly button rings and fake tans and designer workout clothes and all the sweaty, meaty muscle men staring at the aforementioned girls. Ugh, just ugh! But its not that bad i am finding out...okay, only having been 2 times i can't really judge, right? I go with my sister-in-law, who i don't know all that well, despite almost 8 years of marriage to her brother, but what i do know i like and what i am getting to know is nice! We do Yoga, which feels really horrible, i mean wonderful and i get an hour away from chaos.
I still feel restless and at least once a day i want to pack up myself and the kids, buy an RV and travel the country. Homeschooling them and enjoying this life which is all too short.
Speaking of, We had a recent scare with Sam which reminds me even more about finding the joy in ones life and running with it.
I am going to look for ways to expand my joy if it kills me. Yeah, i know that sentence doesnt jive!
welcome to my world! conflicting eh?